Closing thoughts

I want to be different I want them to care and miss me and regret losing me as a friend. But then I think about how they treated Jolie and Michelle. I should really say jess bc Maria just follows whatever jess does and how she thinks. Jess didn't so much as talk about them so I doubt she missed them and they were at one point as close as we were so I'm sure I'm just the same. She resents me for not contacting her which is bullshit bc I tried more than I shouldve. She really was so quick to walk away after all we've been through, it took a lot for me to just walk away it was hard and I'm sure for her it wasn't. I tried not to show it and it got easier as time went on. I figured time would help us but instead it put this awkward barrier between us that proves how much we're not friends anymore. Nelly once said to me that she would never just walk away from me, that she would fight for me no matter what I did. That's what a true friend does, they at least try to work it out, if it doesn't then fine but u don't just walk away, not if u really care about them. A part of me wants to tell her all this but the other part says what's the point, she's a shitty friend and I want her to know that but she won't take any blame for it. I want to get it off my chest I want her to know what she did but it won't do any good its not gonna change anything, so again what's the point.

Boys are overrated.

Its just a feeling we get. The same feeling i get when I go shopping, get good grades and after a good run. At least those things never disappoint me.

Strength

Life constantly knocks you down and when u think nothing worse can happen it does... This is me getting up.

I'm done feeling sorry for myself

I'm actually a lot happier now, I can see the difference. I stop myself from thinking negatively and today I'm actually ok with the past unfortunate events. I realized I'm a lot happier and I havent talked to pj in over a week, that says a lot. I like not seeing or talking to him, I feel better about myself and thats the most important thing. He brings me down. I dont need that in my life.

My one true love.

Everything seems clearer when u run. I was lost before and I'm actually finding my way and going back to my happy self and that always happens when I start running again. Sometimes I forget and stop and that's when I become lost. I always know how to find my way, it's just the motivation to start again that's hard but once I do it's total bliss.

My life in a nutshell

Fashion keeps me sane

"You know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast? Well that's what it's like when I see a store. Only it's better."

"When I shop, the world gets better, and the world is better, but then it's not, and I need to do it again. "

"A man will never love you or treat you as well as a store. If a man doesn't fit, you can't exchange him seven days later for a gorgeous cashmere sweater. And a store always smells good. A store can awaken a lust for things you never even knew you needed. And when your fingers first grasp those shiny, new bags... oh yes... oh yes. "