We do not laugh because we are happy we are happy because we laugh.

To write love on her arms

You were created to love and be loved. You were meant to live life in relationship with other people, to know and be known. You need to know that your story is important and that you're part of a bigger story. You need to know that your life matters.

People need other people. We we're never meant to live life alone.

Strength is about not giving up when you want to more than anything.

"i would say that it's the hardest thing that you'll ever do,
you have to change everything.
but with that,
new things are going to come into place that are better than anything
you thought you had.
we constantly think,
well we're holding onto these vices,
these things,
like this is it,
this is all we have.
but there's something so much better than that,
if you're willing to do the work to get it.
it is going to get harder before it gets easier,
and those moments.
when the cravings come,
and the urges come,
when you doubt yourself.
i still have those days,
i wake up and i'm like,
why am i doing this?
this is so hard, it'd be so much easier.
but if it was easy, and it was comfortable,
then everybody would do it.
but what matters isn't that you fell,
but that you got back up.
no matter how many times it takes,
it's that you get back up.
it matters.
it takes fighting through those moments,
the doubts,
and the days you lose sight of why you're doing this."

It's easy to hate me its harder to love me

Even if its not what we WANT

This is for the best. This is for the best. This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.This is for the best.

BASICALLY MY LIFE

Everything you thought you wanted
Everything you thought you'd need

Came along, and brought you down
And now you’re left alone crying

They always seem to say the sweetest things
Finally he made it clear
Finally she made a move, focus now
Don’t give up hope, there’s always something you can do
To make it through, you've got so much to prove

Foolish girl don’t waste your energy,
Don’t waste integrity, he’s not worth anything
Foolish boy don’t waste your dollar bills
she’ll be gone by tomorrow,
start up with the sorrow

You all believe, you all believe
That love is gonna save us
But nothing good comes from it trust me
You all believe, you all believe
That love is coming to you
But it's your death, you’ll finally see

Pull you up a little higher
Make the fall much more Severe
Now Your waiting at the bottom bleeding
And no one appears to save you cause
your fate seems so surreal
So surreal

Foolish girl don’t waste your energy,
Don’t waste integrity, he’s not worth anything
Foolish boy don’t waste your dollar bills
she’ll be gone by tomorrow,
start up with the sorrow

You all believe, you all believe
That love is gonna save us
But nothing good comes from it trust me
You all believe, you all believe
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
That love is coming to you
But it's your death, you’ll finally see

You all believe, you all believe
That love is gonna save us
But nothing good comes from it trust me
You all believe, you all believe
That love is coming to you
But it's your death, you’ll finally see

Now let me tell you a little something about love
(All you people giving your selfs up to it)
Let me tell you something about love
(All you people yeah)
let me tell you tell you tell you

All you people giving your selfs up to it
All you people giving into your hearts
All you people giving your selfs up to it
All you people giving into your hearts
Start up with the sorrow

You all believe, you all believe
That love is gonna save us
But nothing good comes from it trust me
You all believe, you all believe
That love is coming to you
But it's your death, you’ll finally see

You all believe, you all believe
That love is gonna save us
But nothing good comes from it trust me
You all believe, you all believe
That love is coming to you
But it's your death, you’ll finally see

Still holding on

Everything we believe is a lie thats why it hurts so much when reality happens.
We pretend like everything's okay when its not.
We fool ourselves into thinking life is better than it really is.
I dont know whats better: facing life as it really is or tricking ourselves into believing that its worth living....

True strength is nothing more than how well you hide the pain, smiling when you feel like crying, & laughing when you want to crawl into a little ball

I believe you're always right next to me when I need you most

I need you everyday...

Almost 2 years

I just dont want to feel alone anymore!

“Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is.”

Ever since my mom I've had this empty void that I'm desperately trying to fill. Friends help a lot but I need a deeper level of intimacy to not feel so alone anymore.

Thank you

For not being like everyone else and just walking away, thats what best friends do, we fuck up sometimes but there are reasons why we're best friends in the first place.

I'm just glad I finally have a plan

This summer has been a summer of trying to find myself. I've felt lost all summer but I think I actually found myself and what I want in life. I'm looking at my life in a new perspective and that includes looking at myself in a new way too and looking at how i've been. I've been a mess, I haven't taken life seriously in the past and its about time i do. I want to be a pathologist and that means I have to go to med school which I am okay with. At first I was scared but I know I can do it. I just don't want to go right after i graduate, I want more experience first. And whether thats research or some other new opportunity arises I will be opened to anything. My plan isn't strictly set bc life always gets in the way but its a start and me deciding what I want to do makes me feel better about myself. I feel less lost. Even though classes are hard and I suck at tests, I will be able to accomplish this goal, we really can do anything we set out minds to and mine is set on this.

I need to get out of my head

I use to be

Are you the person you want to be?

I wish these words had more of an impact

ughh

I should know by now that anything I think is right is usually wrong. I need to shut up and stop but I dwell hardcore and can never let go.

Even when you're sitting right next to me

Trust me I'm working on it.

If we expect others to forgive us, we first have to forgive ourselves...

I'm mad at myself for the past few months, I know I can do better, I haven't really been myself, I dont like who i've been lately, I'm working on getting back to being me. I have to first figure out who me is but I know she's better than this.

DOES TIME REALLY HEAL ALL WOUNDS OR IS THAT JUST A MYTH?!

Foreshadowing?

I wrote this one night to myself when i was drunk, I wish I wouldve listened to myself.


"Ok right now I am crying and no one seems to care... Is that reason
enough for u to stop caring about everyone! Really u keep
Saying ur never gonna have parties why don't u just never have parties
I don't get why u keep doing this to urself it
Obviously upsets u allthe time so just STOP! Or learn to deal with it
bc it's not working out, I wish it would but it's not, u keep saying u
hate him bc he's mean to you! Seriously Lauren he's so mean u don't
deserve that at all! AT ALL! I mean this please stop tortouring
urself! This isn't fair to u! Not at all! Ur so bad with dealing with
him when alcohols inolved! What did u expect that he would actually do
something with u hahahahahahah yea right grow up please he's not
interested!!! Stop pretending like he is stop using hope what the fuck
is wrong with u!!! Why do u allow this to happen?! Over and over
again... Something needs to change seriously! Idk what to tell u but
that pj obviously is the problem u need to get over him and u need to
let him allow u too... He was such a jerk and this isn't the only
time, why do u like him honestly?! And I love how whenever I'm upset
no one cares! No one comes to the parties anyways...
I'm done with my "friend" I'm DONE! I can't so this anymore I can't I
can't I can't I can't! Lauren this is my cry for help please
Respect urself enough to listen to what u have to say when ur drunk!
This is ridiculous!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhjjhhhhhrkkrorkkrktnkflxnjdieplwkrnjdjdiixjdndirowpzkndkxkfiodkdkdjndjd
I hate myself bc I allow this to continue hopefully this will change
this! I really don't deserve to be treated like shit! This is
unneccessary!

The end..."

You're not worth it.

This is bull shit what am I doing?????? I actually had a good week I got a freaking A, an A!! on a biochem exam, an exam I thought I failed! It still seems unreal to me but i got an A! I was so happy and then i wasn't and I cant understand why. Then I get into a research lab, something i've been stressing about bc i need it to graduate and again i should be ecstatic, but again I was happy for a second. I was happy I was friends with you again but its causing too much shit. You're not worth it! whether i want to admit it or not you were a major cause in my fight with jess and that led to her not wanting to be my friend. Why am I so pathetic?! and even now its ruining good things that I have, for what?! To be friends with someone who calls me a cunt and says really nasty things about me. Why the fuck did I give you a chance?! you dont deserve one! I wish I could take it back. I wish I yelled at you more. ITS NOT OKAY! what you said and what you did was not okay! why am I so quick to allow you back into my life, into my heart... I shouldnt be friends with you, I cant just be friends with you, I've realized that. No matter how much I missed you, its not worth all this shit. You caused me nothing but pain this summer, I wish i never met you. You're killing me. But more importantly, I'm letting you. I really want to be there tomorrow when you talk to nelly because I want to tell you things I shouldve said in the beginning. I was so mad at you after it happened I couldnt stand the sight of you, idk what changed. What gives you any right to say those things about me and then still be my friend. What makes me forgive you. Because you said you were sorry and you got "bad vibes". FUCK YOU! I hate you, you're ruining my life! Yea I know its more like I'm ruining my life because of you. ANd for what?! who are u to me?! who the fuck are you?! YOURE NO ONE! You are an insignificant person in my huge life. Its my life, I should have control over it. I don't and it freaks me out. I do everything wrong, I just want to make things right, BUT NOT WITH YOU! You're fake and you just missed my attention not me. I'm not special! This is why I didnt want to talk to you bc i knew I couldnt trust myself and that I would forgive you in a second. You dont deserve it! what have you EVER done for me?! The fact that I would let anyone treat me like that and then say its ok is bull shit. No matter how much I supposably missed you during those weeks of us not talking it was a lot better than this. I cant do this anymore. Why do you have such an affect on me?! I need to stop this before it consumes me, I just hope its not too late. =(


Thank you to my friends who disapproved and Dan O for yelling at me and making me see what I couldnt make myself see. It was harsh but it needed to be said.

Forgiveness is taking the easy way out.

No one cares about the "nice" person.
No ones gonna fight for you.
You have to Stand up for yourself.
You cant take people shit.
They will just walk all over you.
It's easy to look passed something.
It's harder to point it out.

we all just want to feel appreciated

Perfectly unperfect

Chances

I gave you a chance, I hope you dont blow it. My mind tells me to be careful but my heart believes you, and we all know which one will win in the end. I'm really stupid when it comes to you, you cloud my mind, I cant think straight. I dont know why you have this hold over me. I'm glad we're friends again but I dont know what I expect. You really proved that you want to be my friend and thats all I ever wanted, to feel special. Not only the things you said but the way you acted I could tell that you were sorry. I'm just hoping I'm not stupid in believing you, once again. But life's too short to hold grudges and I realized once I talked to you how much I missed you. I will always have a soft spot for you and I'm too nice. That was the first time we were alone together and it was really nice. It wasn't even awkward at all, I feel like I can tell you anything, sometimes I say too much but I know you do too. You just seemed really distraught over the whole situation and I hope that wasn't just an act but then again why would you pretend. You made an effort and thats all I ever wanted.

However, on the only hand...

I realized that I might not know the full situation with you guys, lots of things were miscommunicated. So I swallowed my pride and wrote to you, and it was really nice, something you shouldnt have ignored given all we've been through. I really honestly thought you wouldnt ignore me,clearly I was wrong. I guess this is the end, I never actually thought it would be. But I tried making things better, I dont know what else to do. I gave you a last chance, I really didn't need to but there it is.

New Perspective

Words to live by

Has that day come?

I Believe

I would like to think youre with me all the time. I talk to you even without thinking about it. I'd like to believe you answer in your own ways and always watch over me. I think whenever I feel really sad is when youre around me more bc I can feel your presence. I remember when it first happened and I tried to be strong, as strong as you are (were), I told you to watch over daddy bc he really needed it, and I remember asking you to come back bc I needed you. More than ever I need you. I've been dreaming about you a lot lately. Missing you doesnt even cover it. I cant breathe when I think about you, even writing this, its the worst pain, I try not to think about you a lot but it always happens. I could never forget you, but i'm forgetting the details and I'm very big on the details, I cant remember what use to be my life. I cant remember waking up and going downstairs to you doing the crossword puzzles, and that was just an everyday occurrence. Oh what I would give for that simple everyday occurrence. This morning I woke up to my alarm and I of course pressed snoozed but I had to study and I heard your voice say "wake up sleepy head" you use to say that a lot, I forgot about that. I wish that you could help me find my way, I feel lost again. I guess I'll never fully feel found, but I'll settle for anything better than this.

Where did all the hate come from?

I guess all this stress has made me miss my old life, the one where i was still friends with you (plural). When I was trying to study I thought of you, and how we use to be. I miss that. And then I saw old pictures of my sisters and my old old life, which seems like a life time ago and realized that I grew use to not even having them around, at some point i stopped missing them. But it wasn't easy, it took a lot for me to get where i am. Lots of tears and heart ache but I got past it. But with you I cant seem to get past it, and its probably because its too soon, but it still sucks. I can't even listen to my favorite song without missing you, thats sad. I dont even miss liking you, i just miss being close to you, being good friends. When I start thinking about our memories, I begin to think that its my fault, maybe I'm too stubborn, maybe I should've just sucked it up and tried harder. I know its not all me, but I didn't really fight for it so why do I expect you to?! All I want is a sorry and I'll forgive you without a second thought, I want to forgive you. But you wont say your sorry and time keeps passing, I dont know what to do. I dont know life without you. My life started (ended) when my mom passed away and you were always there. I made my life with you. I dont want to move on from you. How did we get to this point?! I dont know, I guess too many things are changing and I dont like change. I want to suck up my pride and contact you, but then my pride says you should do it first, so instead i'll wait, idk for how long. I'm surprised I made it this far without saying something. I was thinking about texting you and I even knew what i was gonna say.

I miss you, I'm just putting it out there...

I need a plan

I dont know what I want to do with my life and thats the scariest thing. Its already August, I was suppose to have done great things by now. Instead I've been focusing on things that dont matter and just putting off things that do. Today I finally realized that and tried to make up for lost time, I hope its not too late, please God don't let it be too late. I need to get into a research lab, I've been holding on to Sabines for so long, but like everything else i think i was stupid and shouldve just let go and tried to find something else. I guess if worse comes to worse I'll have to take another semester I wouldnt know what to take in that extra semester but I need to talk to someone. I guess I feel dumb not knowing by now what I want to do. I would love to be a cosmetic scientist but I dont know what I would have to do for that. I wish i got that internship last semester bc they're not doing it this semester. I keep saying maybe i'll go into research but idk if i even like that or what i need to do for that. I really just need to get my act together and focus and stop messing around. Its time to grow up, unfortunately. My grades are bad and that sucks but the only thing I can do is just study and try harder. Hopefully from now on I will actually be focused, I mean I'm gonna be a senior I should have it all figured out by now, right?!

Stressing out about this just made me realize how insignificant the other things I've been stressing about this past summer. Life always gets in the way, but you cant exactly tell the person at an interview that you have back stabbing friends or you like assholes, all that shows is grades and volunteer work, in the end nothing else matters. I should figure out my life first before I actually live it.

Expectations vs. Reality

Always happens, I shouldnt be surprised. I guess I really just wanted to talk to you even if it was for the last time. It was awkward and I wanted to leave but I wanted to stay even more bc I wanted to call you out on it, thinking I could actually get through to you. I was prepared for it I hate that it didnt happen and it was out of my control. Yea thats life but it still sucks.