Moment of weakness

I want you to give me a reason to forgive you. I got the dumb idea in my head today that you might actually want to apologize to me, but the bigger question is will i forgive you. In this moment I want to but we could never go back to what i thought we had bc it was all a lie, a lie on your part. I can never trust you again. You would have to earn it back and even then i could never fully know how you view me, us, our friendship. I shouldn't forgive you. You probably dont even want to apologize so that little stupid hope is for nothing. I dont even know why I'm holding on to it bc you're so fake and said fucked up things and its NOT okay.... I shouldn't forgive you.