Never trust a hoe

I woke up last night from a dream bc it made me cry... that happens to me a lot. I let out my emotions in my dreams and they sometimes really upset me to the point where I wake myself up. I usually have these dreams about my mom. It either upsets me or its a fantasy where I believe she's still alive, thats the worst bc then I wake up and have to remember that it was just a dream. Its kind of that false relief that my life is what it once was but no, it was just me pretending yet again. Anyway back to last night, I guess you could say it resembled one of my fears. No actually scratch that it is definitely one of my concerns but I have no control over it anymore and if its the truth then so be it. It was of course about jess and maria and pj and fitz. Although non of them were in my dream, jess' sister kim was and i was trying to figure out why me and jess arent friends anymore and then she said how they were all hanging out that night and i was blindsighted and it of course upset me. I know it has probably happened, I have a gut feeling and I'm usually right. Especially with them, you would think I would trust them more to be better than that but then again we arent friends and they've done it to me before. Trust was a major issue with them. They always hide shit because they dont want to hurt the other ones feelings but finding out about something that was lied about is even worse. I saw it all the time with jess telling me not to tell maria that we were hanging out without her. I shouldve known then that she has probably done that to me. One time was really bad when they went behind my back and did something and when maria said I have something to tell you I guessed it right away and she was like how do u know... because I didnt trust you and figured you would be sneaky about it. I guess we want to believe the good in ppl but if we see them do it to others what makes me think they wont do it to me?! I saw it with pj, he would say shit about other ppl and liked to gossip, I was stupid to think he respected me enough to not do that to me. I think thats what upsets me the most, not the fact that they might be hanging out behind my back but the fact that I'm stupid enough to believe that they would never do that to me. We're not friends anymore for a reason. I shouldn't be concerned with this or upset by it but regardless if I ever had proof of it then I would be upset bc jess blames me choosing them over her (which isnt true) and the fact that I'm not friends with them anymore is pathetic. Well whatever they can all talk shit about me if they want, because the dream didnt really upset me as much as i thought it would, it did when i was dreaming it but its whatever, the truth is we're not friends anymore so they have no obligation to me, nor would it be considered going behind my back, because they wouldnt have to try to hide it, they would probably gloat about it actually. Yeah they're shitty people.