Where did all the hate come from?

I guess all this stress has made me miss my old life, the one where i was still friends with you (plural). When I was trying to study I thought of you, and how we use to be. I miss that. And then I saw old pictures of my sisters and my old old life, which seems like a life time ago and realized that I grew use to not even having them around, at some point i stopped missing them. But it wasn't easy, it took a lot for me to get where i am. Lots of tears and heart ache but I got past it. But with you I cant seem to get past it, and its probably because its too soon, but it still sucks. I can't even listen to my favorite song without missing you, thats sad. I dont even miss liking you, i just miss being close to you, being good friends. When I start thinking about our memories, I begin to think that its my fault, maybe I'm too stubborn, maybe I should've just sucked it up and tried harder. I know its not all me, but I didn't really fight for it so why do I expect you to?! All I want is a sorry and I'll forgive you without a second thought, I want to forgive you. But you wont say your sorry and time keeps passing, I dont know what to do. I dont know life without you. My life started (ended) when my mom passed away and you were always there. I made my life with you. I dont want to move on from you. How did we get to this point?! I dont know, I guess too many things are changing and I dont like change. I want to suck up my pride and contact you, but then my pride says you should do it first, so instead i'll wait, idk for how long. I'm surprised I made it this far without saying something. I was thinking about texting you and I even knew what i was gonna say.

I miss you, I'm just putting it out there...