hate.

I miss having a party and people being with me when I fell asleep and to help in the morning deal with the mess from the night before. I hate feeling alone. And even worse being alone.

Today I had a party and ended the night crying, I dont know exactly why I cried, I just dont like feeling alone and feeling like nothing good ever happens to me, EVER! and how ugly I am and how no one really likes me and kind of feeling used.... again. I dont know, all I know is i actually cried when I thought of my mom because I need her, I need someone to actually care that I'm not okay, not even close. Honestly wouldnt even care being dead right now. And that scares me more than anything. I just want something to go good in my life, and for me to feel appreciated. I do so much for people, would I get the same in return?! or even a thank you?! is that so much to ask?! I care and try to help when other people are upset, do they care at all with me?!

I'm not a terrible person, why cant someone anyone like me?! like seriously WHAT THE FUCK?!